You have much more time to dedicate to your partner, so it seems good to share with you all the conclusions that Dr. Gottman.
The Dr. John Gottman of the University of Washington, is a great student of marriage counseling, and proposes four interesting habits for a happy life together.
According to their research, couples who are happiest feel, usually have these characteristics …
1) Expressions of affection and admiration: Daily show signs of affection and tenderness. If we get this to be “the norm”, when we go through a bump, we will see that it is not insurmountable, because the usual thing is to treat us with affection. It is unthinkable to live without signs of affection and that the exception is a demonstration of affection. We refer to those little things, to details without apparent reason: a message without reason, a compliment, a note under the pillow when waking up, make him that little message that you know does not like to do, accompany you with shopping, expressions of admiration …
You may also like to read: Four routines that shared by really happy couples
2) Make a space for the other person in your mind and your heart: We are getting more and more busy and we have more distractions: mail, social networks, friends, family, work …
Couples who spend part of their day-to-day time with their partner feel better. That space is not only to do something with your partner, but to think about your relationship, to know their tastes, what things are important to your partner … or just think about how you feel. If you discover that you do not know too much about your partner, this is the time to get interested and ask.
3) Accept the influence in your life habits that your partner proposes to you: Many people are reluctant to accept these influences because they live them as attempts to control behaviors and attitudes on the part of the other. But if we accept that certain changes suggested by our partner can improve the relationship, they will be well accepted and will not be lived as an imposition. The key is that the influence is reciprocal and neither of the two feels that the requests only fall on him.
When we respond to a request from our partner, we agree on something (and of course we do) or simply agree to do something the other person would like, we are creating positive interactions that balance the relationship when the other does the same.
There is a special and very important way of accepting the influence of the other and that is to say “Yes” to the request that comes from talking or doing something to repair some conflict. The best way to start this is by accepting the responsibility that each one has had in the problem that has arisen.
4) Knowing the inner world of your partner: Each of us have our own mental representations of how life should be, family relationships, friendship, education of children … This has to do with our family origins and meanings of our symbolic world, that guide us in life, deciding what is right or wrong. Your meanings do not have to be those of your partner and in fact many of the conflicts in the relationship are generated just by those meanings and not by what really happens in reality. The relationships that thrive most are those that make an effort to understand the meanings and symbolism of their partner’s world, to create new meanings or shared meanings. Gestures, words, attitudes ….